Engelska skämt

56 engelska skämt [komplett lista 2024]

Engelska är väldens mest språk. Det är inte då heller konstigt att det finns en hel del olika engelska skämt.

Denna lista är endast ett axplock av alla de engelska skämt som finns. Skulle vi ta med alla skämt som finns skulle denna lista aldrig ta slut.

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Alla 56 engelska skämt

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the
passengers in his car.
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* ”darn” and a
skydiver goes ”darn” *whack*.
Exaggerations have become an epidemic. They went up by a million percent last year.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? SUPPLIES!
Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today? I don’t know and don’t really care.
What do you call the wife of a hippie? A Mississippi.
They all laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well, they’re not laughing now!
I used to be addicted to soap. But I’m clean now.
What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.
Why is England the wettest country? Because the queen has reigned there for years.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs. They always take things so literally.
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says to the other, ”You ever worry about that mad cow
disease?” The other cow says, ”Why would I care? I’m a helicopter!”
I told my physical therapist that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those
places.
What did the swordfish say to the marlin? You’re looking sharp.
Why does Peter pan keep flying everyday.
He neverland.
Why did the arena get hot.
Cuz all the fans left.
How much space will be freed up when Britain leave the EU?
How do you wake up Lady Gaga?
Poke her face.
Headmaster, I think that the dark lord has returned.
– Are you serious?
– No, I’m Severus.
There was a fellow from Kent
who´s thing was so long that it bent
to stay out of trouble
he put it in double
and instead of to come he went
Where does the General keep his armies? In his sleevies.
Why can’t Trump go to the White House anymore?

It’s for Biden
Someone asked me if I could mention two different types of water containers.
And I was like, well damn.
Was Barry white?
Was Marvin gay?
Was Cilla black?
It sure makes Stewie Wonder.
Why did pirates never learn the alphabet?
Because they were lost at sea (C)
Why did miss Chernobyl win the miss universe?

Cause she was so radiant

Fler engelska skämt

Knock Knock
– Who’s there?
– Me
– Who?
– Joe
– Joe Who?
– Joe Mama
How does a squid go into battle? Well-armed.
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag is a huge plus.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name.
What did the mayonnaise say when the refrigerator door was opened? Close the door, I’m
dressing.
”I stand corrected!” Said the man in the orthopedic shoes.
A guy goes to a pet store to buy a goldfish. The salesman asks him, ”Do you want an aquarium?”
The guy responds, ”I don’t care what star sign it is!”
What do you call bears with no ears? B–
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
Will glass coffins be a success? Remains to be seen.
I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
What’s red, black, red, black, red, black?
A zebra whit a sun burn.
It was a wood cutter that said to his friend; Can I axe you a question?
I live in Pripyat and I just finished watching Chernobyl on HBO.
I counted 17 inaccuracies on my right hand alone.
Where do you find a cow with no legs? Right where you left it.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears? They don’t meet the koalafications.
A bear walks into a restaurant. He tells his waiter, ”I want a grilled …. cheese.” The waiter says,
”What’s with the pause?” ”Whaddya mean?” the bear replies. ”I’m a bear!”
What’s E.T. short for? Because he’s only got little legs.
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals? Phillipe Phillope.
Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize
them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes.
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river.  One shouts to the other, ”I need you to help me get to
the other side!” The other guy replies, ”You’re on the other side!”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a littlelighter.
And God said to John, ”Come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.” But John came fifth and
won a toaster.

De 5 sista engelska skämten

Two windmills are standing in a wind farm. One asks, ”What’s your favorite kind of music?” The other says, ”I’m a big metal fan.”
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.

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